I have written on this blog several times already how as a young teenager I enthralled with the idea of being a record producer. I loved music technology, everything from primitive mono tape recorders, microphones through to the cheap Amstrad and Tascam multitracks which recorded on standard compact cassettes and the rudimentary sequencers like Music X for the Commodore Amiga and the legendary Steinberg Cubase for the Atari ST. I wanted to be like my heroes, Stock, Aitken and Waterman, and at that time, believing that we lived in a progressive society and being a girl would be no obstacle, (and may even be a bonus) I saw no reason not to pursue that dream.
It was not until I got to university that I realised that this belief was untrue. I had had a lot of knock backs before which were mostly due to people misattributing what was my hobby and my passion as being my father’s. In reality, he had little to no interest in music production but had worked in electronic assembly and industrial photography. What I had chosen as a career path had nothing to do with him, but it was perceived as so unusual for a girl to want to pursue that career, it couldn’t possibly be my choice alone. It had to be someone else’s idea.
At university, I became very disillusioned with my choice. I started out very secure in my abilities, but after a year I was afraid to do anything for fear that I was going to confirm my status as a silly girl, a clueless dilettante who even my ‘personal tutor’ couldn’t be bothered to personally tutor. I became all too aware that as the only ‘female’ student on the course I was not taken seriously and my abilities were underestimated which led to to such extreme self-doubt that I had to leave the course and take the ‘path of least resistance’, the path that I saw girls actually gain respect and success at, and so I switched to singing.
One of the main things I had to conquer here was the sudden importance of image and appearance. Although this is also important for male singers, there is a lot of pressure on female singers to be sexually attractive. This is also reflected in most of the material female singers are expected to perform, especially in operatic and musical theatre roles. Women are expected to sing about relationships and their relationship to the men in their life – be it about abuse, adultery or seduction and even suicide. Opera has a reputation for being a particularly misogynistic art form because of the way that it portrays its heroines, because most are either ‘fallen women’, seductresses, victims, terminally ill or insane.
Even when singing ‘popular music’, I felt a great pressure to be perfectly presented, in a manner with was glamorous and sexualised, which was not something which I had every associated with my music making before. Now it seemed that this expectation was on me, if I wanted to make a success of it, a success as much about being a ‘woman’ as it was being a musician. In fact, more so. I came to neglect the things I thought I was good at, guitar, bass, music tech, electronica etc, in favour of what was considered socially acceptable for a student of my gender.
Sometimes I felt good, dressed up to the nines in stilettos and hair extensions, but it got me the wrong kind of attention. I doubt that I would have been ‘groomed’ had I not chosen to present myself on this manner. I would also have been trusted more for my competence with technical subjects, instead of being overlooked. There is nothing worse than being the kind of ‘Cassandra’ figure who has knowledge and expertise in a subject, but nobody will ever ask you for your input, instead turning to people who are less qualified and have less experience because they better fit the stereotype of an ‘expert’ in that field.
When I was dedicated to making this work, it wasn’t for lack of effort that I failed at it. It was fake and unsuited to me, like I was having to live somebody else’s idealised life not mine, because in mine I was a guy and a successful record producer. I got a lot of compliments for my looks and even put together a modelling portfolio which I hoped would get me more work. I was careful to watch my weight and maintain a svelte figure so I could wear the slinkiest dresses. It really should have worked had it not been that for me, this was a compromise, which took me down a path I originally had no desire to follow.
I would like to warn, as best I can, girls who wish to make it in the music industry. Nowadays, more than ever, ‘sexiness’ is prized above skill and talent. Even if you are talented and have unique skills, you will be shoehorned into presenting a certain image, dictated by the male media execs who rule this industry. I always cringe a bit when I see a promo on Facebook or in the local paper for some up and coming ingenue who thinks that pouting will somehow help them sell records when it won’t. They never seem to do anything original, and are in deep denial thinking that they are making their own creative choices when all they are doing is conforming to the role the male dominated industry requires them to.
By doing this, instead of developing themselves as artists they have inadvertently crippled themselves, and if not kept in check, it’s a slippery slope towards becoming nothing more than a sex-object. For a while, I tried promoting myself as a hotel/nightclub singer. I was in a duo with a male keyboard player for a while, and that was mostly OK, but then I started using backing tracks and going solo, which is when I got the worst experiences of misogyny. I was asked almost every gig by drunk elderly men if I wanted to drink with them and come to their room. I just shrugged this off, jaded as I was by then as ‘normal’. Well, as the #metoo movement has proved this kind of thing has been normalised for far to long. It is not normal, it’s sexual harassment.
It’s been a cliche for a long time in the music industry that for a female singer to become successful she does not need talent, or even be a good singer as long as they are prepared to get their ass and tits out and grind against a pole in a music video. Sadly this is true. There are a lot of quality singer songwriters who will never achieve fame or even notoriety because they do not want to do this. Success is easy for people with no scruples and no artistic integrity, but it’s a dark path to go down. I could mention a few singers who were particularly mercenary in their clamour for fame, which even extends to the classical / opera scene, but I won’t. I’ll leave it for you to guess.
In cases such as this, however, the singer has achieved nothing on their own terms, but by pandering to the patriarchal system hoping to be thrown a bone. It’s a bit like saying to a ‘suitor’, why are you buying me lingerie? Because you want me to have sex with you? Well, gee, that’s nice. I was informed that using this kind of sexuality was ‘empowering’, but it is not. It’s just a way of getting very little from someone who holds all the power, whilst you have no power at all. Trinkets and trivialities are all you will get, and you’ll just be a throwaway ‘girl of the week’. You are supposed to be jealous of other girls who get attention from these creeps. Doesn’t sound much like ‘success’ to me.
I was told when very young about the power of ‘feminine wiles’, and how, as a girl I had the potential to just bat my eyelids at a man to wrap him around my little finger and get him to do my bidding. I think this idea was prevalent in the magazines of the era, which ran photo stories of girls getting one up on men, or getting them to do there homework for them etc. It’s only recently that people, educators and feminists alike have begun to realise how negative this is and how it can impact on young girls sense of self worth. If you are inclined to use your physical attributes to manipulate men, isn’t that a form of prostitution? Where does it leave girls who are not photoshop beautiful and unable to play this game? The truth is, nobody should be playing this game as there are no winners, and you gain nothing except advertising yourself as sexually available in return for ‘favours’.
It’s ironic that this ‘self-objectification’ is presented as empowering, and that most girls believe it to be their own choice to present that way, when of course it isn’t, it’s just decades of media representation and a male dominated industry which has ‘rewarded’ women for being good little girls and doing as ‘daddy’ says. When you consider how short and fleeting many of these women’s careers are, it’s obvious that they are only considered desirable as long as they are obedient, sexy and above all, young. For men, it’s a different story, they are valued for their experience and age makes them even more desirable and employable, they are considered ‘distinguished elder statesmen’, not washed up old bags. They are allowed to be ugly, fat, scruffy or rude with no fear that it will damage their reputation.
In the years where I was coerced into believing that being seductive and glamorous would help my career, I did things I am now deeply ashamed of. I did topless photos and allowed myself to be groomed by an industry professional who I should have reported, not only to the Student’s Union, but to the police. I believed that I was presenting myself as a professional and took care to always be well groomed. I did not realise I was only advertising myself as a sexual object, and had actually shot myself in the foot in the same way as many, many girls in the music industry have, in pandering to a patriarchal system run by men, for men, and if this persists, you will never be taken seriously as an artist of even a human being, you are simply a piece of meat to be manipulated and ogled at by the same people you hope in vain will throw you a bone.
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